I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
