He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
