Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
