He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
