First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
