it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
