do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
