Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
