Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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