Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
