Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
