At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
