I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
