walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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