I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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