She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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