just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
