What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
