yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
