Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
