I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
