So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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