I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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