she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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