I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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