I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
