I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
