it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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