Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do you have feelings for this penis?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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