I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
