physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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