I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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