I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
