She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
