Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
