I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
