I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
