final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
His nipple licking is glorious
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