I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Nobody cheats on THIS.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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