So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So gin and wine won't be happening again
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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