Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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