somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just google imaged poop.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
