hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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