i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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