dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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