after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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