I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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