Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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