just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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