So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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