make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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