im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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