he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
