A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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