non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
